Season 4 – Episode 6 – Preview

Episode – “The Bid”

Synopsis: When Thorne hints Yasir won’t win the church reno because he’s too busy with other work, Yasir lightens his load. But once Yasir is desperate for work, Thorne offers him the job—at a deep discount. Meanwhile, Rayyan saves Fred’s life and learns that sometimes it’s better to have a hateful neighbour than a grateful one.

Airing Monday November 2nd 2009 !

How does Rayyan save Fred’s life? How does Fred decide to repay her? How will Yasir feel about the deep discount?



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141 responses to “Season 4 – Episode 6 – Preview

  1. Episode 6 has been uploaded 🙂

  2. Steve

    I loved that Rayyan sent Fred to get some Sea Salt.


    That’s so white!

  3. Olly

    Nahida just called me sounding absolutely heartbroken. She never complains about anything. NEVER. And she was so content with how things were left with Steve before Phil showed up.

    Shame on you all.

    I won’t be coming back here for anything!

  4. RTelier

    Look, I know she’s really mature for her age, but did she have to call me a child?

    I don’t know why someone who’s supposed to be as considerate as her doesn’t understand why I’m angry. She’s completely perfect. Really gorgeous, unbelievably smart, and she writes the most beautiful things to Steve I ever read. In terms of casual comments I mean. And what does a woman like that do? Fantasize, and about someone twice her age. What is she saying about real boys, or the ones that would be viewed as acceptable for her by age… that they’re incompetent? Well maybe, and that’s why I so mad. American women are so arrogant now. They think they’re too good for everyone.

  5. Selina


    RTelier, you want a woman like that? STOP ACTING LIKE YOU’RE ENTITLED TO ONE.

    Arrogant? Nahida has been EXTREMELY modest. You’re the one who thinks you deserve something.

  6. Selina

    Nahida, if you don’t mind very quickly, what did you mean when you told Steve about thwarting pleasure rather than causing pain in fantasies where you’re domme? Is that just lite?

  7. Nahida

    Mmm? Oh, I actually rarely fantasize as the domme–I just told that to Phil to come across as an aggressive asshole. (Not that I think dommes are assholes, obviously, as long as they have consent; it just sounded like a grimmer thing to say.) I suppose I could do it–I can definitely talk like a domme–but I don’t know if I’d cause any more pain than slapping him across the face! or an equivalent.

    I guess it is lite then, yes (isn’t that how people refer to beer?); mostly the b&d and not the s&m. Actually I find the idea of s&m very disconcerting. Handcuffs and gags are fine, but shit wtf those instruments are scary. There’s something wholly arousing about being taken while protesting (again with the requirement that it’s absolutely unquestionably consensual of course) or obstructed from pleasure and begging for it, but the serious afflictions are a bit disturbing.

    Anyway, I’m done talking about this now; I only addressed Phil’s comment at all because I suspected Phil was Steve, and when he said he wasn’t answered that particular question just to sound cruel.

  8. Chris

    That makes more sense, I didn’t think a snowflake could really be a domme.

    You might be intimidating, Nahida, because of your intelligence, but you’ll have a hard time coming across like an asshole.

  9. Brice

    I can definitely talk like a domme

    What would you say? Kinda want to hear it…

  10. Brice

    Steve gets to tell you about these things, but if anyone else does I’m guessing it’s sexual harassment?

  11. Nahida

    That’s quite right.

  12. RTelier


    She’s not even sorry.

  13. Selina

    That’s because it’s NOT HYPOCRISY.

    I believe I’m the 1000th woman here to say this.

    God, you’re all so incredibly stupid.

  14. Selina

    …so ANYWAY. Nahida, someone here said that you wanted to change your introversion. Why? I think introverts are great. You know, they tend to be smarter than extroverts.

    • Nahida

      I’m not a true introvert. At least not as much as I come across now. I used to be a little more extroverted… but I just lost a lot of confidence in the last two years of high school. Also my childhood wasn’t too great; while I was really sociable around age 4 (I was one of those kids who would gleefully wave at strangers) my nature was gradually modified. And sometimes it just impugnes on my happiness or convenience.

      Like a couple of weeks ago, I stopped by a UPS and, when I didn’t see any at the front, asked the woman behind the counter for a long triangular tube. “Um, we have the circular ones,” she answered. “But… well the triangular ones are only for next day shipping. Are you shipping next day?”

      “Oh, I’m not using it for shipping,” I replied. When I do send packages most of them are international, and UPS is way too expensive. Usually I send them along with USPS and pray to God they arrive. “I’m using it for something else,” and here I was about to explain that I was making a pinhole projector (used to view a solar eclipse) but I stopped myself because… I just figured she wouldn’t care. After all, it’s superfluous information. So when she looked a little confused I continued, “I just want to pay for it and take it.”

      (Thanks to my age and the corresponding presumptions of those older and more financially stable than me who assume I can’t, I often find myself making a point to state that I do in fact intend to pay for things.)

      “Okay,” she reached a little behind her and pulled what I needed from a shelf, and, when I began to open my bag, clarified, “You actually don’t have to pay for these. You can take one.” And then she amiably inquired for what I was using it, and we had a conversation about solar eclipses. There was no one waiting behind me, so I didn’t mind. It was an enjoyable conversation; I don’t know why I didn’t just mention it when I was about to.

      And that’s just really minor. Once I was taking public transit because my mom was using the car, and I indicated that I wanted the vehicle to stop at the next stop. When we approached, the driver paused in front of it for the longest time in traffic, but she neglected to realize that there was a requested stop and didn’t open the doors. I kept wanting to say something but I didn’t. I was the only one who needed to get off, and I just wondered if she was aware that she needed to stop and was merely waiting to edge closer. It was unlikely, since she was already right in front and just hadn’t merged into the bike lane, but I didn’t want to tell her how to do her job or come across as rude if she already knew. Well, as it turns out she really hadn’t realized there was a stop requested, and drove right past it when the traffic in front of her cleared. I got off at the next, and had to cross a freeway entrance and exit to get back. I was REALLY annoyed with myself. I should have just said something. All she would have to do was just open the doors.

  15. Selina

    Awww, you’re just really polite.

  16. Selina

    Isn’t your brother going to uni in september or something? I remember you said he was around 17 now? What’s he getting his degree in?

  17. Nahida

    Yeah. He wasn’t sure, but he’s really fond of observing animals. So I told him to get a BS in conservation and organismal biology. And so that what he’s doing. He says (jokingly) if it turns out disastrously it’s my fault. This was right before the orientation! Everyone was there with their parents but he had his cool older sister, obviously.

  18. Selina

    obviously =)

  19. Chris

    I keep thinking you’re an only child!

  20. Nahida

    Did you hear about the white student who returned a $1,000 scholarship meant for a black student? He was applying to as many scholarships as possible, and this particular one didn’t clarify that they only wanted black applicants. The woman he spoke to on the phone had no idea he was white either (I thought that was strange this little detail was mentioned; why would know over the phone?) and it was only when he walked on stage to accept it that there was nervous laughter in the crowd. They’re going to be clearer about who can apply from now.

    I am glad he returned it: it’s a nicer gesture than if he had kept it. But I think the organization should let him keep it. They’re not obligated to (I don’t think they have any relation to the government) but I wish they wouldn’t accept it back. I would have just been like, “Nah, keep it. Whatever.” If they had no idea he was white then it was probably well-earned. He received two other scholarships also and his teachers seem to love him. The organization said they would never have asked for it back, but since he decided to return it anyway they’ll take it. I’d hate to be the kid who got it after that!

    • Ron

      Such scholarships are racist.

      • Nahida

        It would be, if it existed in a vacuum. Unfortunately, we do not live in a vacuum. The scholarship needs to be considered in context, not taken out of context conveniently. This is a measure taken in a racist system:

        A new report that analyses the distribution of grants and scholarships by race found students of color are less likely to win private scholarships or receive merit-based institutional grants than white students. The report found that white students receive more than three times as much in merit-based grant and private scholarship funding than students of color.

        White students receive more than three-quarters (76 percent) of all institutional merit-based scholarship and grant funding, even though they represent less than two-thirds (62 percent) of the student population, according to the report published by Mark Kantrowit, the financial aid guru behind and

        Kantrowit believes that the myth that there aren’t enough scholarships for white students comes from highly-qualified white students being turned away and those students in turn assuming the money went to students of color.

        The myth that students of color are taking all the scholarship money is so prevalent that policies like California’s Proposition 209 and Michigan’s Civil Rights Initiative (Proposal 2) include mentions that scholarships and financial aid should be awarded solely on the basis of need and ability, not race.

        On a side note, there have also been incidents of institutional discrimination in housing:

        “Wells Fargo ($32.08 0.045%) allegedly engaged in reverse redlining, the act of offering economically disadvantaged borrowers riskier mortgages, in neighborhoods across Memphis and surrounding Shelby County, according to the claims of former employees in a lawsuit (download here), filed by the relevant municipal governments.

        “The litigation also claims that, as a direct result, these actions may be contributing to a disproportionately high number of foreclosures in predominately black areas. Wells Fargo, the nation’s top originator with $238bn in mortgages in 2008 (16% market share) compared to #2 Chase Home Finance at $187bn, denies the charge.”

        Racism does not die on its own after institutionalized for hundreds of years; it needs to be interrupted overtly. Anyone who believes otherwise is a complete fool. Study after study has demonstrated that children raised in homes that avoid addressing race show discriminatory behavior in the classroom and playground (because they are left to passively learn it, unarmed by active awareness) than those who are raised by their parents to be aware of the value of equality.

        Even Pat Buchanan (in the 70s) suggested an affirmative action program for Catholics in the white house. He says to Nixon, “Instead of sending the orders out to all our other agencies– hire blacks and women– the order should go out– hire ethnic Catholics preferable [sic] women, for visible posts. One example: Italian Americans, unlike blacks, have never had a Supreme Court member– they are deeply concerned with their ‘criminal’ image; they do not dislike the President. Give those fellows the ‘Jewish seat’ or the ‘black seat’ on the Court when it becomes available.”

        Conservatives pretend to hate these measures until it benefits them.

        Obviously the victims of Wells Fargo were the POOR, not a specific race, and the damage on one race disproportionately is only a consequence (not an objective) of targeting the lower class. This is one reason (among many) that I am against affirmative action based on race. There is no need for that kind of measure when the same based on income is even more effective, and closer to the ideal standard on values were we actually living in a vacuum. I disagree with the organization’s awarding the scholarship based on race (income level is equally effective for their objectives) but it certainly does not exist in a vacuum, as demonstrated by the first cited study.

      • Nahida

        Also (recently) a man was awarded in court after enduring racial harassment at work from 2005 to 2008:

        It said that “KKK” and “King Kong” graffiti were written on the walls of the plant where he worked for 14 years and that a stuffed monkey with a noose around its neck was found hanging from Turley’s driver’s side mirror.

        The employers had responded to this with a code of silence.

        Incidents of discrimination that would qualify as racism in a bubble are nothing compared to these systematic prejudices.

        Of course that isn’t the say they aren’t wrong–and harmful to everyone (as the section I pasted states, the reason for the misconception that students of color are rewarded more scholarship money is that a few independent organizations exist to award them the money based on race, and furthermore affirmative action actually hurts minority students from certain demographics [mainly Asian] who tend to fair exceptionally well on tests as a result of cultural values)–but that a simple dismissive “that’s racist” is mendacious, and the hypocrisy (see: Pat Buchanan) annoys me.

  21. Selina

    Nahida, weren’t you taking steps against someone online for harassment? In Utah? How’s that going?

    • Nahida

      Oh, it’s fine. I’ve for the most part successfully disabled him. There’s one little thing left… but it’s not even something I care about. Actually, a couple of months after the initial incident, WordPress tightened its security in the comment section. If you’re trying to use an email address that’s registered, you can’t use it unless you sign in, so impersonation is prevented. (He actually tried that a couple of times.) Facebook handed over to me the property he had plagiarized at once. (Good things come from pressure!) Twitter on the other hand was all like “Sorry you’re not famous for us to care.” (Not in those exact words… but that was the gist of it.) But w/e.

      I’m a little–a lot–more concerned about Anita Sarkeesian (who happens to also live in California… but in San Fernando Valley [I live much north of her in the San Francisco area]) whose main audience comes from youtube. She does fabulous series on tropes in literature and media, and after posting a kickstarter campaign that would analyze gender tropes in video games, received death treats, rape threats, racial harassment (she’s Jewish), and the uploading of pornographic material on her Wiki page (she has one!) her Facebook page, and the youtube account corresponding with her site. All this for “encroaching” on “male territory” and having the gall to talk about sexism in gamer culture. The same thing happened to Kathy Sierra, who authored one of the most read blogs about technology. “Male territory” again. They basically “posted her home address and Social Security number. They posted doctored photographs of Ms. Sierra: one picture featured her with a noose beside her neck; another depicted her screaming while being suffocated by lingerie.” Those pictures STILL exist online. And then of course there was the AutoAdmit harassment with Jill Filipovic.

      Anita is just the latest. She moderates the comments on youtube, but recently she just let them all go to show what kind of crap she gets. There were PAGES and PAGES of comments like, “She needs a good dicking, good luck finding it though” and “Stay the fuck out of video games” and “Fucking downvoted and flagged for terrorism. Dumb ass nazi cunt.” (References to her being Jewish were frequent.)

      These are not typical. I used to think they were too, but men don’t get this shit. They definitely don’t get it in these loads. I actually went on Reddit once, made three nyms–one feminine, masculine, and one gender neutral. While the feminine nym received continuous derogatory and violent remarks, the masculine nym received none of that. I even tried to purposefully make an incorrect assessment using the masculine nym; I was simply corrected and linked to accurate information. With the feminine nym, even light-hearted jokes received brutal feedback–“thats not what that means, stupid cunt”–(assuming I just didn’t understand and needed to be corrected) when I was clearly being sarcastic the same way with the masculine nym, which merely received upvotes or (if it was obnoxious) was simply ignored. People register humor only when it comes from masculine nyms, even if the humor is exactly the same. The gender neutral nym was persistently assuming to be owned by a male until I disclosed otherwise. I thought it was totally normal to express an opinion online and endure a bombardment of sexually derogatory remarks, but as it turns out if you’re a man on the Internet, you’re addressed like a normal person.

      Anyway, Internet anonymity may be coming to an end:

      “I’m sitting waiting for the House of Commons to start debating a Law Against Trolls or, as they would call it, an amendment to the Defamation Act. It would basically let internet providers off the hook for the publication of their content, so long as they signed up to divulge the identity of any of their users. To warrant such a disclosure, the injured party would have to show that their reputation had been significantly damaged; then they would be given the offender’s identity, and would be free to pursue a civil case. Online abuse still won’t be a criminal offence, even if the bill is passed.”

      About time. People have committed suicide over this shit.

      I’d like to think Anita’s case finally did it. The dozen or so men who continued to vandalize her Wiki page (until the people at Wiki finally had to lock it) wrote things like, “Sarkeesian, of Jewish descent, is an entitled kitchen nigger and hooker… earned a bachelor’s degree in BDSM… engages in gay fisting” and referred to her throughout the entry as an “it.”

  22. Selina

    Nahida, how do you feel about male circumcision? A lot of feminists are against it, but you’re a RELIGIOUS feminist, so I was wondering if you had a different take?

    • Nahida

      They’re against it for babies, not for older boys (who can give consent.)

      Well, starting from the religious point, circumcision–of any kind–is not promoted in the Qur’an, and in fact several Muslims have a very negative view of it, citing the Prophet’s condemnation of altering the body as a kind of mutilation. (The same reason the majority of Muslims don’t get plastic surgery.) However, there is also a hadith in which the Prophet states three criteria for the outward appearance of religious men, and one of them include a circumcised penis. Another was the beard, which obviously isn’t considered mandatory for the large part (all these clean-shaved Muslim men walking around as evidence) which… no offense to particularly religious men with beards but thank God it isn’t mandatory. (I’m real classy I know. I can’t help but see it as a hygiene issue!! Hey, men gratuitous dictate the criteria of their preferences on the opposite sex all the time, so I can do it right? But seriously, how often do men wash their beards?) So I take it from that that circumcision, listed only in the same manner, isn’t a requirement either, and when it is interpreted to be a requirement (which you would think from the practice in Muslim cultures being more frequent than not), that’s an absurd inconsistency. The first Muslims weren’t circumcised, and I doubt they were circumcised after their conversion to Islam (something certainly would have been written about it!) and I read somewhere that circumcision wasn’t too common a practice among Muslims until much, much later, when it was made mandatory upon conversion to discourage people from converting to Islam (because non-Muslims were taxed, and when masses of people began to convert to avoid the tax the government started to run out of money.) You must be thinking that this sounds suspiciously unIslamic, and you would be right, but it was around this time that a lot of unIslamic activity emerged. I do wish I could remember the source so that I may verify it.

      Anyway, I remember an article somewhere on a feminist website about male circumcision, and a bunch of men flocked to it (for once, they had a legitimate reason) and were discussing it amongst themselves and with the usual feminist commenters. I was of the high and mighty opinion that the whole thing was ridiculous and dismissively declared that I had no opinion on the matter because it doesn’t concern me as a woman, and this offended a BUNCH of the men, particularly the ones who were saying that they experienced enormous difficulties and complications after having been circumcised as babies and wished their parents had waited until they could have a say. “How can you say something so cold, Nahida?” one of them asked me, “if this were about the rights of gays, would you say it doesn’t concern you as a straight woman that they are being bullied until committing suicide?” At this I rolled my eyes and pointed out that men have power without the alliance of women and can change things that concern them themselves, unlike gay people who are truly underprivileged and alone.

      But I thought about it afterward, and the question during the discussion wasn’t really about men, because it’s not whether or not circumcision is immoral–it was about whether it’s immoral for adults to do it to babies, who can’t give consent. It’s not about men; it’s about boys. And boys are children. And children are underprivileged and powerless.

      In short, though, I still don’t feel comfortable voicing anything about it… because it feels somehow intrusive. And then I’m torn, because the men who are against it are all like “If you don’t say anything that means you’re FOR it! You’re standing by and letting this mutilation happen!” (And also men intrude on dictating aesthetics and functions of the female body ALL THE TIME.) Reading men debate the issue amongst themselves I personally do find it very heartless when a man who’s been circumcised and is fine with it tells a man who’s been having terrible–sometimes painful–difficulties his whole life because of it that he’s just being overdramatic.

      So I grudging half-researched the subject, and admittedly the amount of sensation that is lost with removing the foreskin is astonishing. The justification is that the removal prevents infection, but so does removing your tonsils, and we don’t do that to babies right away. There’s also the claim that it makes a man less prone to STDs that has been debunked, but even if it hadn’t been, boys don’t have sex that young anyway. And then there’s the argument that the removal is painful, and it’s best to do it to babies because they won’t remember, which I find HORRIFIC. Why don’t we just go around punching baby boys in the face then, since they won’t remember? Seriously wtf. The fact that a human being will not remember is no reason to inflict unnecessary pain on them. And there were also a couple of religious feminists who were all like, “Well if it’s about consent and forcing someone to change their bodies, I don’t see you people having a problem with parents piercing their babies’ ears.” Which is SO mild compared to circumcision (pierced ears can close up! you will never have your foreskin back–that is a permanent irreversible change) that it’s like comparing male circumcision to female genital mutilation. Offensive.

      Honestly, I don’t see anything wrong with waiting until the kid is 13 or so and can tell you for himself whether he wants to be circumcised. I’m sure there will still be pressure–if it becomes the norm it might even be considered a rite of passage–but… at least boys won’t grow into men with chronic difficulties who hadn’t even had a choice? That’s all I can really say.

  23. Selina

    LOL. I’m jealous of your weather.

    Oh, and you’re covered too aren’t you?

    • Nahida

      When it’s 95 degrees? And I’m in my own bedroom? No, I’m just sitting here in a bra and panties typing while crossed legged in high heels. I realize if I took off the high heels I’d be probably be cooler but they are pretty!

      Covering is for outside! Even then in the summer I kind of started wearing slitted skirts…

      95 isn’t even that extreme. We’re due for 100 on Wednesday. We’ve reached 104 before. And I’m already dying. Selinaaaaaaa I’m dyyyyyyyyying.

  24. Selina

    Oh boo, I wish it were hotter here. Let’s trade places.

  25. Selina

    How much is a 104? 40 degrees? That doesn’t even exist!

  26. Selina

    LOL, I forgot American women call them “panties”!

  27. Nahida


  28. Nahida

    …with a K of course!

    Obviously my brain has melted.

  29. Selina

    I like saying “panties.” It sounds so girlish. What do you call your pyjamas?

  30. Nahida

    We spell it “pajamas” and say jammies.

    I think it varies on region.

  31. Chris

    Is it just me, or did Nahida’s reply to Steve on her blog seem to allude to something?

  32. Selina

    No, just seems like it because you know more.

    That’s usually how harsh she is when she responds to men on things like abortion. Actually, I’m surprised she responded at all.

    • Steve

      She gets pretty ugly. She really needs to stick to religious issues.

      I know she doesn’t really mean it. She thinks she does but if she was faced with such a situation in real life I think her innate goodness would shine through.

      Take it from someone who politics has to some extent ruined my soul, politics bring out the most ugly side of people.

      She is so beautiful when she talks about her faith. That is what she should focus on.

    • Steve

      Hell, what do I know. Perhaps none of us have souls. Perhaps we are all just but animals, and if that’s just the case then we can just kill each other if it is convenient.

      Perhaps Nahida knows for sure. Perhaps it’s not above her pay grade.

      So, can we kill babies too? Toddlers? Old people? The mentally handicapped?

      • Steve

        Babies aren’t “human beings”. They don’t perceive reality the way we do. So we should have the right to kill them until I don’t know, perhaps 2 years old.

        The mentally ill, I mean like the mentally retarded, they aren’t “Human beings” in the sense they can’t comprehend the world the way we do. It would be much better if we killed them.

  33. Selina

    It’s not a baby, it’s a fetus. You terminate a PREGNANCY, not a life.

    Actually, I’m pretty sure Nahida WOULD abort a child if she was raped and pregnant. Definitely before 120 days. She doesn’t believe there’s a soul. That’s just her religion.

    • Steve

      Yeah, no soul. Just a myth.

      There’s nothing different than us than say a squirrel. We don’t arrest people for running over squirrels do we?

  34. Selina

    And yeah, when men think they can control women’s bodies it’s makes her ANGRY. It makes me angry too. You’re not a woman. God didn’t give you that decision for a reason.

    • Steve

      What God?

      And you tell me that you can control my body. Hey, if I am stronger and I can rape you, then what’s wrong with that?

      It’s called survival of the fittest man!

      • Steve

        Male animals rape female animals all the time.

        Just the way of nature. And since neither of us have a soul then nature rules!

  35. Selina

    We’re taking about tissue. Not a baby.

    Do you tell people who remove tumors that they’re MURDERING all those cells? If a fetus is killing the mother, that’s what it’s doing.

  36. Selina

    I’m DONE. You’re a disgusting human being. You will NEVER have someone rape you and implant their poison inside you and feel it grow to KILL you. That’s why you can talk about it so easily. Anyone who will not allow a woman who was raped to have an abortion is on the side of the rapist.

    • Nahida

      Oh, Selina. Why are you so shocked? You should know by now that the very men who ramble on and on about how much of a precious dainty princess a woman is and how they would never use obscene language in her company are the very ones who will confiscate the most traumatic experience a woman can endure to attempt to guilt her into submission when she has the audacity to suggest that rape and pregnancy are physically and psychologically devastating. Because they are so much about souls, you see. They care so much about human beings that they will defund organizations that prevent pregnancy in the first place to ensure that there are even more “souls” to exterminate–now the mother along with the potential child!–and advocate ruthless war tactics in the very third world countries to which they so generously donate. Who cares if those people are oppressed by their governments? They’re not Americans! Revolution and freedom are bad things.

      No, they only care about souls when they have to put in no effort to maintain one. They only care about saving baby souls when they’re not the ones experiencing nausea and vomiting, high blood pressure, anemia, hyperemesis gravidarum, hemorrhage, yeast infections, the possibility of broken ribs, extreme pain during delivery, cardiopulmonary arrest, permanent disability, or even death.

      I only consider women’s opinions when it comes to abortion, but there is a way I would consider a man’s just as much. All he would have to do, is gain 30 to 80 pounds in months and maintain that weight for nine, and, so he can fully experience pregnancy and symptoms like preeclampsia, we’ll be sure to also raise his blood pressure to dangerously high levels until he almost dies. And if he has to give birth via c-section, he’ll allow doctors to cut open his gut and scoop out what’s in there. And if he gives birth vaginally, well I’m sure we can figure out some way for him to push a bowling ball out of some orifice in himself. One that was in there for the full period of pregnancy of course. Maybe we could drop things on his foot to make sure they swell properly? Of course, he has to be raped first. Perhaps in the military, while serving his own country? Then he can endure the feeling of stark betrayal in being told that his country will not safe his life from a pregnancy that will kill him, even if it’s just a collection of tissue like a tumor. And then they’ll make him wait while people who can’t even get pregnant and aren’t even at risk of rape discuss the case, until he’s past the first trimester and is nauseous with guilt and self-loathing and wants to commit suicide.

      We care so much about souls, after all.

      • Selina

        Don’t cry, Nahida.

      • Nahida

        How did you know? I thought I sounded angry.

      • Selina

        Instinct. And you always try to sound more angry than hurt when people’s behavior makes you cry, because you think it’s pathetic that you’re crying.

      • Nahida

        When a man tells a woman she can’t have an abortion because that makes her as evil as her rapist, abusing his power over someone weaker and disadvantaged–who has endured a traumatic experience he will never understand–to control her is exactly what he’s doing.

      • Nahida

        I won’t be back to check: I can’t stand the self-absorbedness of men, members of the sex who most rampantly kill and rape, preoccupied with lecturing women on preserving the souls of fetuses implanted by rapists, and then advocating cut-backs on welfare and invading other nations to ensure even more children starve to death or explode in horrific bombs.

        But DAMMIT women should be MORAL, especially when it kills them and literally forces their bodies to mutate as all their blood is sucked dry for the rapist’s implanted weapon for an irreversible period.

      • Selina

        That’s okay. Whenever Steve can’t argue rationally he stops addressing points and becomes hysterical.

      • Nahida

        That’s not it. I’ve become so unbridled in affection for him that I’d be willing to put up with fits of hysteria. But not when he casually uses things he could never even begin to understand against an audience who actually has to endure them as though he knows what he’s talking about better than rape victims do and he really has grounds for comparison. If he did truly understand, he could never weaponize such a thing. I can’t check tomorrow or for a while after when I suspect he’ll be back because I need a couple, or three who knows, days to convert this excruciating distress I’m feeling into some sort of kindness. I’m not happy before and I’m not happy after–Selina, I’m beginning to wonder if this process will kill me before it will save me. Sometimes it begins when I don’t even want it to. I can feel the shadow of compassion emerging even now, and I don’t want it! I can’t stop it. It won’t go away even when I try to suppress it. It’s selfish, I know it is, it’s just trying to save me… I know for certain I do it for myself and not for Steve even if it feels like it’s for him, because he would feel no loss if I were to disappear from him. But he’s always so upset Selina, and he thinks so little of himself, and it drives me insane because I want him to feel worthy as a human being. Most people aren’t loved nearly as much as they deserve, and I’m convinced he’s one of them. And it’s so conceited of me to… oh, I’m too tired now to even explain how whatever I do…something…is arrogant… you probably know what I mean to say I shouldn’t be writing at this hour everything just spills and I sound crazy…I’m getting off before I say something ridiculously pathetic… good night, Selina.

      • Nahida

        Nope, that was it. I think I must have gotten about half way. But I’m far too angry. I stopped it deliberately. That is the last time I will hear Steve use rape like a trump card against someone for whom it is far more real than him. It’s so maddening that I’m still awake. I can’t sleep thinking of it. I can feel myself going insane. Did you know because of what her rapist and his friends said Mina had some sort of glazed-eyed fit when Steve called her a slut? I actually had to pry a weapon out of her hand. And he says the shaming on the Left causes people to commit suicide, while openly advocating slut-shaming–I guess he doesn’t give a damn about the great number of women who’ve tried it because of the disgusting culture on the Right making up imaginary sex partners for them. I hope all the baby souls he’s saved from their vicious mothers who are as bad as rapists are grateful for his representation. I mean THANK GOD he’s around to speak for them. WHO would speak for all the baby souls, since everyone else is too busy actually developing and caring for them?

      • Nahida

        It hurts when I breathe.

      • Nahida

        I’ve lost again.

        Despite everything I just said, someone sent me a message right now (a phD candidate thanking me for an interview she requested with me) and I thought for a minute it was him and felt better at once. Do you know why this happens? Whenever someone makes me feel angry, even this angry, my heart insists that if I truly knew them and understood them as a whole person and felt every ounce of remorse they’ve ever sincerely felt I could never be mad at them. And so I start to make things up about them, the softest and most beautiful things I could think of, and attribute it to them to make them complete. Complete like they are in an objective reality that my subjective self can’t grasp through communication. And that’s how I can continue, even if I know they aren’t sorry and feel there’s nothing to be sorry about. Because I’m a little girl who plays make believe games and tells herself it could be true, that if I really knew the entirety of a person I would be stunned by the exquisite beauty.

      • Nahida

        I think I’m done talking to the Right. I’ve made that mistake too many times. At this point it would actually be stupid. It’s only gotten me sleepless nights and unbearable pain. Pathetic.

        I’m sure Steve will see it as well-earned revenge. I hope he’s happy.

        God, Who refrains from placing a soul in the fetus until the 121st day, has shown far more compassion toward women than men, who attempt to guilt women out of loving themselves even though it has been a Divine right. It is so easy to pretend to protect something you don’t have to put any real work or effort into to maintain, while others literally give their lifeforce and blood… like claiming you’re Japanese after a tsuami.

      • Nahida

        When a fetus cannot survive outside someone else’s body because it needs that woman’s blood supply and nourishment from every organ to live, the Right shames her into providing for it with her very vitality at the risk of her death. I sincerely hope they are as enthusiastic about shaming those who refuse to become organ donors to the fullest extent while still alive, because other actual full human beings will die without their generous supply.

      • Selina

        Bloody hell. This is what I wake up to. I’m worried. Nahida, you sound dangerously like you’re in love.

      • Nahida

        Don’t be ridiculous, that would be impossible. I’m not that pathetic.

        I do love Steve, as a human being. And it already hurts. I wouldn’t dare.

        I think I’d be frightened.

        The sun has risen, and my mind is clearer even despite having not slept. It’s just that it was nighttime. You know how batshit insane I get.

      • Selina

        I wouldn’t dare.

        It’s not a CHOICE, Nahida.

      • Selina

        And you love all human beings as a human being. You don’t think this is REMOTELY a bit much? Maybe a friend? Even though you’re not supposed to, since he told you so.

        But okay.

      • Nahida

        Don’t. Especially not where he can see it please; it will make him uncomfortable. I’ve already crossed a boundary. And he was very kind about the last. He’s even tolerating the annoying constant resurfacing.

  37. Chris

    Don’t worry, Nahida. I’m sure you have a breaking point like everyone else. Hey maybe this was it. Just think about how he’d let you die to save some tissue that wouldn’t even stay alive outside you anyway, and he’d do it by trying to guilt you.

  38. Chris

    it will make him uncomfortable.

    wtf. he makes you uncomfortable with his violent political rhetoric all the time.

  39. Lois

    LOL!! I love when Reagan Republicans pretend to care about the mentally handicapped.

  40. Selina

    What rubbish.

    When a fetus cannot survive outside someone else’s body because it needs that woman’s blood supply and nourishment from every organ to live, the Right shames her into providing for it with her very vitality at the risk of her death. I sincerely hope they are as enthusiastic about shaming those who refuse to become organ donors to the fullest extent while still alive, because other actual full human beings will die without their generous supply.

    BEST thing she said.

  41. Selina

    People like you want to DESTROY women’s lives. You don’t really care about life, just whose. And you think a collection of tissue is worth more than a woman. Steve’s language here proved it.

  42. Selina

    Women don’t have the right to life. But the weapons of RAPISTS do.

    Steve’s a coward. He hasn’t come to answer any of her real points.

  43. Nahida

    I’m not surprised. This is how the anti-choice side acts. They scream and yell nonsensical things beneath enormous signs and harass women who are already terrified and making life-altering decisions coming in and out of clinics. And of course the Right compares EVERYTHING to Adolf Hitler. And the ones who do? Never Jewish. Can you imagine a Jewish person, who believes the mother has the right to life, making a documentary like that? The Right *loves* appropriating the struggles of others. It’ so much easier than constructing an actual argument.

    Anti-choice women are always the worst of hypocrites. I will probably never get an abortion. But of the women who do get abortions 43% are Protestant and 27% are Catholic, the two demographics that are the MOST anti-choice. A friend of mine wrote about how a woman came into the clinic saying she’s pro-life but she just can’t continue the pregnancy any more. What happened? Is your own life suddenly so valuable now that it’s actually at risk? They trust THEMSELVES to think long and hard before making a decision like that, but other women? They think the rest of us are just sluts who somehow have loads of money for abortions and a very high tolerance of main. It is all rooted in a deep mistrust of women, that we can’t make difficult decisions, that we don’t know what’s best for our bodies, and most of all that we are deserving of the most horrendous amounts of guilt: for saving our own lives, we should be compared to Adolf Hitler.

    Any man–or woman–who has both kidneys and a full liver should be required to donate at least one kidney and a slice of their liver before claiming to be “pro-life.” Otherwise they are Nazis obviously. Seriously, how could they just let so many human beings die when what they supply with their bodies could save their lives? And men have to endure exactly what I described above in my first comment. That’s certainly what gets anti-choice women to make an exception for themselves.

  44. Nahida

    I think it’s highly telling that the Right, who continuously insists that feminists make EVERYTHING about rape, constantly makes everything about rape. “How dare you disagree with me! Go get raped.” “You’re having an abortion because your life is in danger? That’s like rape!” “What happened to her was DIGITAL RAPE.” “If you get an abortion you’re as bad as your rapist. Here, hold this while I vote this bill cutting welfare and keeping insurance from covering birth control.”

    Everything is worthy of a rape mention from the Right, except of course, actual rape. And always from MEN on the Right. They can use it so gratuitously because they will never understand the pain of rape, just like they will never understand the pain of the Holocaust. That “documentary” must have been so painful, so OFFENSIVE, to so many Jews.

    And what can you use for them? Nothing. There are no such events from which they will suffer that don’t affect you too. I can’t make statement about how something is like 9/11 because it feels like I’m ripping my own heart out. They’ve never had someone do that to them, confiscate what’s theirs to recover from and weaponize it agains them. And that’s why they’ll never understand. “Why the hell can’t I compare this to lynching? What difference does it make if I’m a white woman? You’re being SO oversensitive.”

  45. Nahida

    But no one will say anything like that to us, Selina, because we as women are so preciously dainty. No, men on the Right are so very courteous and polite, just like the 50s! Any mention of sex or menstruation makes these gentlemen pale with discomfort. They’re so delicate they nearly faint. And then they muster all their remaining strength to tell you what a whore you are for wanting birth control for your irregular periods, as is proper for a gentleman.

  46. Selina

    You can talk like that, Nahida. I love you, but I know that if any of these bigots showed the slightest sign of remorse for their inconsideration, you’d collapse at once in a heap of compassion.

  47. Nahida

    …Well if they were sorry, why wouldn’t I?

    I’d owe it to Steve anyway. Chris was right. I was alluding to something in that reply. The essence of the ending–“go find the right woman then”–just seemed like something so bitterly intimate to say. I wanted to feel close to him. And I was so happy to see him, even if his position was ridiculous. I just figured if I disguised it well enough it would be fine. I mean, really, when have I ever made such a blatantly fallacious argument? Of course it was purposeful; I saw the obvious equivalency “Against murder? Don’t murder anyone then!” (that’s how they see it isn’t it?) ages ago… Steve could have used that, it would have been far more well-suited than the distorted reply he left (I imagine he was angry at my sharpness since his initial inquiry was very polite and honest). I don’t know why he didn’t use it, he might have just been too irritated at how harshly dismissive I was to think of it. His actual reply was full of horrendous loopholes since it was essentially a strawman; conveniently, loopholes I could use. But obviously if I were really serious I would have said the things I said here, not something I recognized as fallacious.

    I should have resisted. Seriously wtf? That was the strangest manifestation of affection I’d ever delivered. Perhaps it was too well disguised. I’m sure he had a WTF moment when he read it. Distorting affection so that it is unrecognizable, in fear of making someone uncomfortable, is hard! I should have just resisted and avoided showing it at all instead of trying to turn it to something else. I don’t know if I can talk to Steve anymore, I keep messing up like that.

  48. Nahida

    Anti-abortionists, street harassers against gay marriage, the Tea Party shouting “GO! BACK! HOME!” to quiet Muslims fundraising for women’s shelters, occupiers throwing shit… God they’re all so LOUD. I swear, you can tell exactly with whom to side based on who’s screaming incessantly. I imagine the Civil Rights movement involved people quietly sitting at restaurants while the police attacked them. (I’m not against occupiers sitting quietly while police pepper spray over their heads either, even if they are overstaying, because black people weren’t “allowed” in certain areas either. Gimme a break, it’s a public place and it’s not an obstruction. I would afford the same to the Right.)

    But “WE ARE THE NINETY-NINE PERCENT!” *smash random window for no apparent reason whatsoever* and “GO! BACK! HOME!”… God, shut up. You’re disturbing the peace and everyone hates you.

  49. Selina

    Why are you so kind to him when he has the same ideology of people you despise?

    • Nahida

      At some level, I don’t even know if he does. Steve has values and principles that he can coherently explain. I think we all just cling to the side that sounds like us, but we give representatives more meaning than they are capable of conveying. Like with Sarah Palin. She’s a total idiot who talks around the easiest of interview questions to painstakingly avoid them. But Steve understands her utter nonsense. That’s not because Sarah Palin makes sense, it’s because Steve makes sense.

      It’s like when Romney said “corporations are people” and I was like WTF and Steve was like, “Oh, he means stock holders shouldn’t be held responsible for crashes,” and then I was thinking BUT THAT’S NOT WHAT HE SAID. X___X Does Steve have reason to believe that’s what Romney meant, according to what ideologically fits? Sure. But the context was about tax breaks. I have just as much reason to believe Romney is a total dumbass. Why would he introduce that then, when even his audience was talking about something else? Why should I trust someone who can’t put together two sentences to form a thought? It would have been easy. Steve just did it. But Romney kept repeating, “Yes, they are,” completely unhelpfully like a thick jackass. What if it’s because he’s really a thick jackass who doesn’t actually know what he’s saying? What if we’re all just electing thick jackasses and we think they make sense but they’re really just repeating random lines they hear from their respective sides.

      • Nahida

        I like that feeling. When he explains things like that. It’s what he used to do.

        Stockholders; I remembered it suddenly from an economics class in high school the minute he said it.

        I wish he’d show up. I owe him an apology for something. But I guess it’s already in the comments above before Richard buried it.

      • Nahida

        Steve! I am sorry. I also apologize for having to apologize for the same thing multiple times, because I keep doing it. And that [the link] has never happened before; I don’t know what I was thinking. It was just something I would have said to you in …some alternative universe… in a much lighter context …so I had to change it entirely to the epitome of harshness… Jesus Christ, I’m so out of touch with reality I’m amazed I exist.

        So anyway, now that I’ve sufficiently made a fool of myself, I’m just going to… go away until I can stop.

  50. Selina

    I didn’t think you were the type to forget anything you learned in school!

    • Nahida

      Well I never had much of an interest in economics. It’s the root of all evil. =P

      Seriously though, I spent half the period daydreaming about octopi. And I still made the highest grade so even that wasn’t a reason to pay attention. I read about string theory while he lectured, which was far more intriguing. After the class was over the information went flush! The instructor really liked me; I think he was disappointed I wasn’t interested in his subject. “Where are you, Nahida?” he would ask. “You need tools to build castles in the sky.” It makes me sad; I could have at least not so obviously been daydream.

  51. Nahida

    One day, it will either be talking to the Right that kills me, or bullshit feminist political drama. I swear they are both competing for the destruction of my soul. && I officially hate everything.

  52. Nahida

    Do you know Hugo Schwyzer? He’s currently a male “feminist” blogger. He USED to be a college professor who abused his position to have sex with (adult) female students. Then he apologized. And THEN he was allowed to teach women’s studies classes because apparently all it takes is an apology and you can now do whatever you want! Even despite the fact that there was this one time he got high, and he tried to kill yourself AND TAKE HIS GIRLFRIEND WITH HIM, and he openly writes about it and what a spectacular new person he is now how much he learned from the experience and what a great feminist overcoming it made him.

    This guy seems fucking dangerous. Look, I am all for believing that people change but do you have to give them a trophy for it? You know who has the ability to forgive him? His ex-girlfriend. No one else should be making that decision and then granting him a pass into all things women’s rights. And he seems manipulative. Like really manipulative. I almost don’t blame women for falling for his apology and for every single piece of writing he produces singing hymns about how great women are and how much he’s changed. He literally keeps bringing up his abusive past and using it as a prop–almost proudly–about how awesome he is now for “learning” and “growing” from it and freely crediting himself. One of my friends says he has NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) and he (my friend) has seen some responses about male narcissists (in the medical sense) going into feminists spaces and using feminist terminology & language to center things on them. In other words he hasn’t really changed: he just wants to be showered with adoration and attention and will do anything to get it. And the feminist blogosphere is the perfect place: women tend to be highly more sympathetic and forgiving than men, and because he’s a man he gets even more praise for writing the same things women write (when a woman writes about feminism she’s just a bitch.) I was uncomfortable with my friend making an unqualified medical diagnosis… but I understand the personality type in general. Normally I would fully hold women accountable for not seeing through his bullshit, but it is REALLY well worded bullshit. It’s almost like he really is a sociopathic genius. I don’t know when, but I think at some point in my life I would have been fooled. In fact, I’m not even sure why I’m catching it now. Something is just tipping me off about it.

    Anyway, another very prominent feminist writer whom I really, really love allowed him to guest post a while ago on a mainstream feminist site, and naturally there was outrage. I was really disappointed she allowed it too. And then she stuck up for him. It’s a shitty thing to think, but a part of me believes that he was manipulating her into feeling genuinely sorry for him. I would probably be offended if someone told me I was being manipulated. The feminist commenters were tearing him apart but it was nothing short of what he deserved. Unfortunately they were also tearing her apart for allowing it. Of course she should be criticized, but I felt terrible for her. She was criticized even after she came out and apologized, acknowledging that while people can change and individuals can forgive other individuals, she should have recognized it would be a poor choice to allow him to guest post and traumatic for women who’ve been abused the same way.

    But of course she is now associated with him. It seems people are harder on her than they are on him! He’s still allowed to write elsewhere in the feminist blogosphere (so he has a place that accepts him), and everyone is so horrified with her that whenever they criticize him she always comes up as some sort of enabler (even though he was here years before her.) She has always been so kind and sympathetic. One of my friends tweeted to me about what an asshole he is, and then of course she came up in the conversation, and she saw the exchange (I didn’t say anything about her but I still feel terrible) and she was like “really?!” I responded that I’m sorry, it must be so stressful for her to receive all this harsh criticism for him when he was here way before her and is the real problem.

    Anyway, now I’m worried I’ve hurt her. *sigh*

  53. Nahida

    Ugh, your comment is below mine. It’s doing that thing again.

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