Respect your parents

Yassir has a difficult time telling his mother that he doesn’t need another wife and Sarah is exactly what he needs. His mother can’t take no for an answer and even goes as far as faking a heart attack to gain the sympathy of his son.

Is Yassir really stuck between a rock and a hard-place? You have to respect your parents by not breaking their heart into a million pieces.ย 

Have you had many such arguments with your parents? What was the end result? Were you able to reach a compromise?



Filed under Episode 7

20 responses to “Respect your parents

  1. freshouttatime

    in coming to head over issues with my folks or folks in general, obviously there’s an emphasis on respecting your parents and to speak to them kindly- which yassir did, but at the same time it isn’t right for parents to enforce rules on their children that aren’t right.
    the definition of right depends on your view, and if you are Muslim, its based on scripture and Prophetic precedence.
    in compromising with your parents, the real art is being able to communicate to them that whatever issue they are pressing onto you is indeed wrong, and that you have justification for opposing them.

    btw, i like how yassir means easy going, and his character is always compromising and looking to accommodate everyone’s feelings.

  2. Sara

    Islam allows Muslim men to consider marrying up to four wives at the same time, but there is a necessary condition for this permission. The man must be just to them, and must treat them equally in all matters that are under his control; like provision, and the amount of time he spends with each one. If the man cannot provide for them with justice and equality, he must restrict himself to one, as the Qur’an states.

  3. But then the quran says in the same surah 4.129 You will never be able to do perfect justice between wives even if it is your ardent desire, so do not incline too much on one of them (by giving her more of your time and provision) so as to leave the other hanging ( i.e. neither divorced nor married). And if you do justice and do all that is right and fear Allah by keeping away from all that is wrong, then Allah is Ever oft-forgiving most merciful.

  4. FZ

    That surah about how a man will never be fair has always struck me as a very clever way of God saying that you are free to do it but you will pay for it later because you will never be as fair as you should. Seems to me any man who takes more than one wife is playing with fire if he doesn’t heed this warning. I wonder why people don’t consider multiple marriages makruh based on this surah?

  5. Zaraf

    What is being implied by this Sura is not that you will be punished if you try to be just with all of your wives, but rather, you will be punished if you do not TRY to employ justice.

    God tells us that we WILL NOT be able to have complete justice between multiple wives, but the point isn’t can you achieve it, but are you trying to do it? God looks at your intentions, first. Is it your intention to be equal with all of your wives? And are you trying your best to achieve that as close as possible? Then that is sufficient.

    Actions are based upon intentions.

  6. Jim

    This episode is a long time coming.

    There needs to be more episodes regarding the foreign influences and pressures these Muslims still receive from their old countries.

    Sure, there are many Muslims who were born in Canada and for them Canada is the only country they know, but for most Muslims they come from other parts of the world.

    It used to be that once immigrants left their county of origin their connections to that country were pretty much cut off. For example in recognition of this in the mid-19th century as many Irish people immigrated to America there came to be in Ireland what was to be called an American Wake. A wake is a party that people had in Ireland to celebrate the life of a deceased friend or relative. While of course the person immigrating to America wasn’t dying (though sometimes those long trips by ship did take their toll so death was always possible) for the people left in Ireland it would be like the person had died as the person would never be heard or seen from again. So they threw a party for that person before that person left in the same style as they would throw a wake for a dead person.

    But now that isn’t the case. Internet, satellites long distance phone calls means that the immigrant can stay very connected with people and events back “home”. And to them, they still see the place they left as “home” and for them where they currently live is just a geographical inconvenience to them. Jet travel makes it much more easy for them to go visit their homeland, something that would have been much, much more difficult if not impossible for previous waves of immigrants.

    Now sure for some, political situations might make them unable to stay connected to their homeland, but for a great number of immigrants they can e-mail and instant message friends and family, they can watch programs from their homeland with their satellite TV they can read the newspapers of their own country. For them it is practically like they haven’t left. No wonder fewer and fewer of them have made the necessary emotional shift of allegiances from their country of birth to their country of current citizenship.

    This is why I believe immigration is impractical in the modern world.

    The Iman and several other Muslims in the show have Canadian backgrounds, but it would be interesting to find out the reasons the others left their homeland and how they are still connected to the people and events “back home”.

  7. …there came to be in Ireland what was to be called an American Wake.

    Actually, it’s called an Irish Wake. ๐Ÿ™‚

  8. No wonder fewer and fewer of them have made the necessary emotional shift of allegiances from their country of birth to their country of current citizenship.

    This is why I believe immigration is impractical in the modern world.

    Jim, you crack me up. Never been an expat, have ya? ๐Ÿ™‚

    So, by your reasoning, if an expat moves from his or her home country he or she should sever all ties and devote themselves wholeheartedly to shifting their emotional allegiance to their new country of residence. Which means that I, an American living in Singapore, should cut myself off from the US (stop reading American magazines, newspapers and websites), and devote myself only to what happens in Singapore.

    Sorry to say, it doesn’t work that way.

  9. Jim

    I was talking about immigrants, not expats as expats plan to return home some day whereas many immigrants get citizenship in the countries they move to.

    As long as they don’t attempt to get citizenship then they don’t have to shift their loyalty. But I don’t believe in hyphens when it comes to citizenship.

  10. I was talking about immigrants, not expats as expats plan to return home some day whereas many immigrants get citizenship in the countries they move to.

    I have no idea if I will ever return to the US. In less than a year I will be eligible to get S’porean citizenship; I may or may not take it. (I haven’t decided at this time.) Regardless of whether I become an “immigrant” or remain an “expat,” I will always follow what’s going on “back home.” This is a natural human reaction. Try living outside your country for a while and see how you feel.

  11. Jim

    From my understanding it was called an “American Wake” or “Emigrant Wake”. Perhaps it was also called that as well I don’t know.

    Once they left there was no turning back, no contact ever again with their homeland. To their family and friends back in Ireland it would be like they had died.

    It is easy then to see how much easier it was for them to emotionally connect their future and their allegiances with their adopted country.

    That is why immigration worked better then but not so much now.

  12. Canadian Christian

    Jim is correct. An Irish wake is the even that took place in Ireland when someone actually died. An American wake was the name given to a similar event in Ireland when someone there was emigrating to the U.S. because, it was pretty much a one way trip. The people in Ireland would never see that person again, and other than possibly receiving some communication via an occasional letter, he was as if he had died.

  13. rstn

    I like the love and respect Yassir shows his mother. While he is quite lax in religious observances like prayer and is not the most ethical man, he has retained the virtue of filial piety. No society can function without a healthy respect for its elders. “Honor thy mother and father” is one of the 10 Commandments and the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings upon him) taught that paradise lies at the feet of your mother.

    Love and obedience towards one’s parents is the foundation of all human society, and something that traditional cultures can help us in the West to remember. However, balance is key. Love and respect goes both ways. Sometimes in the East and in the West, parents can take advantage of their position and act like tyrants… unintentionally putting their own wishes above the rights and needs of their children. This episode brought that out well.

    What I liked best was that Yassir found a way to honor his commitment to his wife without insulting his mother. Even Rayhan, a self-avowed feminist, dealt with her grandmother gently and helped smooth over the final disappointment.

    If religion is about anything, it’s about family. The members of a family are like organs of one body. You can’t injure one without making the whole person ill. Maintaining family harmony takes patience and creativity, which Yassir was able to reach in his soul and find. Hopefully in the future he will also learn to honor his contracts in less shady ways. ๐Ÿ™‚

  14. Azeena

    Very well said! I have to say I was getting really upset with some of the stuff I read on here, and I’m just so glad to see you wrote this.

    Thank you for posting that.

  15. @ the ones discussing the ‘American Wake’ actually it was called an ‘America Wake’ and yes it was a kind of party VERY similar to the wake for the dead.
    I think I need to explain this ancient Irish custom, in Ireland if a person died, to this day, the tradition is, that the relatives and friends go to the home of the deceased, where they are served a drink, some tea, and offered tobacco, either as filled clay pipes, or cigarrettes. They will pray for the dead person, but also tell stories about the dead person’s life, and sometimes it does turn into a fairly wild party.
    It is quite true that ‘America Wakes’ would be held for a young person leaving Ireland for America, and also very true that many lost their lives going to America, or soon after arrival. Steerage wasn’t a joke and most Irish could not afford anything better than steerage.
    America wakes were held as late as the 1950s. I can remember older Irish people who lived in the neighborhood talking about their America wakes.
    People did write and send money home if they could read and write and if they earned money, but they seldom returned to Ireland.
    I haven’t heard if America wakes are still the custom, and I’ve been to Ireland. Probably the custom has died out.

  16. John

    I am pretty sure the tradition has died out.

    And the reason it has…

    It is too easy to travel back to the “old country” today. It isn’t like in the past where the person leaving Ireland (and this is true with most other countries) would never be heard from by the people left in Ireland ever again. No doubt the person will travel back to Ireland quite regularly and when away from Ireland (again just using Ireland as an example as you can replace Ireland with most other countries and it will still be true) I am sure the person calls back regularly and even sends email and text messages.

    The point is that immigration is no longer the ordeal it once was. It is no longer such a permanent decision, and no longer is the immigrant as isolated from the “old country” as once was the case.

    This is one of the strongest reasons why immigration is an outdated concept and should all but be eliminated.

  17. John

    Steerage wasnโ€™t a joke. It was quite an ordeal. But it did provide a transitional experience for the immigrant from where the immigrant was (the Old Country) to where the immigrant was going (America or sometimes Canada). Once the immigrant experienced the ordeal the immigrant began to distinguish him or herself mentally from the people back home.

    Imagine what an immigrant had to give up to come to the new country. Nothing less than EVERYTHING. Friends, family, everything that was familiar to the immigrant. And then the immigrant had to suffer through being in steerage.

    It was much easier than to transfer loyalty to the new country as so much was sacrifice, so much was suffered to get there. There was no going back. For good or ill this was their country now and therefore they obviously would want the best for the country. They were often MORE patriotic about their new country as the people who lived there all their lives.

    This is usually not the case now with the immigrants. Not all of them but I would dare say even most of them have a “I just work here attitude”. Sure they might get US citizenship, but today they do so for legal reasons rather than the heartfelt reasons immigrants did in the past. In the past immigrants would be overcome with emotion when they became citizens, seeing it as one of the greatest achievements of their lives. Now all too many of them just see it as a way to stay in the country without a green card. And worst even though they legally become citizens of the US in their heart they still consider themselves loyal to their homeland.

  18. John

    I don’t know if the same situation exists in Canada, but in the United States there are people who insist on going around identifying themselves with hyphens or even worse even after getting citizenship still calling themselves by their home country.

    After gaining citizenship, when someone asks that person, “what are you” that person’s answer should be I am an American (or if the person had gained Canadian citizenship then I am a Canadian). Not I am an Oldcountry-American.

    We must become a nation without hyphens or we will tear ourselves apart.

  19. Ryan

    this actually came up as one of the first search results as i was researching emigrant wakes; so perhaps i can clarify some things.

    an irish wake is simply a wake thrown by the irish. of course it has certainly traditions and a bit of a party atmosphere, but it is by no means an “ancient tradition.” it does go back a long, long ways but its still pretty ubiquitous even here in the states. it starts immediately after death, often in the home of the deceased but increasingly in funeral homes and catering halls. It goes until the next afternoon (sometimes 2 days). the body is then stored in a church for the night, with the funeral the next morning. there is a celebratory atmosphere to the thing, but i don’t know many parties populated by drunken 80 year old bag pipers.

    the emigrant wake is the exact same thing thrown for some one who’s left. american wake would be another term for it but i’ve always heard emigrant wake these days. the emigrant wake became rare after WWII (my grandfather came here in 1950 and he did not have one). but the tradition hasn’t exactly died out. my cousin had one thrown for here in the early nineties when she came to the states to live with us. now a days, though, it seen as more insulting than anything else.

    on a separate subject: being angry about us hyphenated americans is, i think, missing an essential point about american culture. i wont go too much into it because its not the reason i came here. those large tracts of america that are homogenized, with no sense of ethnic identity are pretty bland. its the little areas with a strong connection to the old country that make this place worth while. the various china towns across the country. the irish and jewish areas in new york. the german towns splattered around pennsylvania and the american south, and the huge arab muslim community in west philly.

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